If you are looking for my blog titled, The Contemplative Catholic Convert, you are at the right spot.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Stubborn Love

It seems the longer I serve Christ, the closer I draw to Him, the more my thought life assails me. Perhaps it is because I am less willing today than I have been in the past to pass off my godless thoughts with an insipid and cavalier excuse like, “I’m just a sinner saved by grace.”

No, I know I am much more than that. I am a child of my heavenly Father, and I ought to do a much better job reflecting Him in my actions, as well as in my thoughts.

It was in that frame of mind that I awoke on October 27, 2011. Nearly four years ago. My dreams that evening left me feeling dirty in the morning when I walked into my prayer room to begin my time with God.

I could hardly address Him. I felt so guilty that I had so willingly participated in the terrible sinfulness of my dreams. I sat in my recliner and without lifting my eyes to heaven, I said all I knew to say:” I’m so tired of continuing to do the wrong things.”

I remember the morning conversation as if it was yesterday. Before I could finish my sentence, the Holy Spirit interrupted with this: “But I am not tired of loving you.”

It is now four years later. I do not believe my thought life has gotten any better. Sometimes I don’t want to even go to sleep at night for fear my dreams will again betray me.

But God.

I so very much love those two words put together like that. That clause, But God, reminds me again and again, God is greater than my weaknesses. He is more merciful than I could ever deserve. More forgiving than I could ever hope for. More in love with me than I could ever imagine.

This morning, October 23, 2015, I entered my prayer room to begin my time with Jesus. As I always do when I begin my hour with Him, I placed headphones over my ears and opened my phone’s music program. The music library is set to play random songs.

Kathy Trocolli’s “Your Stubborn Love” began to play. Here is a link to the music and lyrics.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvGono8mqFg

This morning my heavenly Father again reached down to encourage me. And oh, after listening to the song – twice – I was so encouraged.

Perhaps, after you listen to the song, you also will find encouragement as He reminds you again of His stubborn love for you.

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